Stream of Consciousness Writing

I'm not at all sure what is compelling me to write today, but here goes nothing:

 

I know it's been awhile.  I haven't had writer's block or anything. I have just struggled to have anything positive to say lately. The world is in such an ugly state and I have found myself swept up in feelings that I had no desire to share. the last thing I would ever want to do is be a part of the daily onslaught of negative news and information floating out there.  

I had to retreat to my own mind and concentrate on the things that matter to me, in order to cope on a day to day basis.  Some days, I just wanted to run away.  2017 was a rough one and I'm just now finding my footing in a sense.  It's slow going because my experiences left me a little less trusting of my fellow man and a little more jaded about justice and fairness in life.  

But I'm grateful that God brought me and my family through it all.  I feel like I'm just re-entering life from a surreal fog again.  I spent most of my time trying to encourage others, even at my lowest points. I was bent low but unbroken.  I won't lament my circumstances either.  I understand that God was either working something into me or working something out of me. I just feel a little more weathered and aged by the experience. But I'm still here.

I've often dreamed of having a little corner of the world that belongs just to me where I can just be.  I imagine an estate in the Irish or English countryside.  Why there?  I'm not sure. It's just something I've always wanted since childhood.  Somewhere peaceful and green/near the sea possibly... As much as I love performing and dancing and the fun of sweating and performing and singing for crowds... I'm learning to equally cherish my peace.  I've worked really hard for a really long time and I understand that time won't wait.

Now that I'm almost out of my funk... I suppose I have to get back to working on the life I dream. So I'm still doing the cover band thing AND writing new music with Aaftermath AND working with a reggae band ( backup singing) AND some solo performing again... and whatever else comes my way... Hopefully, more and Better!

 

Much Love,

 

Carmen Miller

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