So it's the beginning of Fall and so many things have changed. I guess that is the hallmark of the season. Change. Building up to the CD release has been quite the journey and today I feel very satisfied that it has been worth it so far. I have no sense of a comfort zone anymore because each day has brought with it challenges and triumphs to the point where not knowing what to expect is expected. I am committed to staying the course and seeing it through. All in all, i would have to say I have had a truly positive outlook about it. Mind you, the days where I get unsure, or start to feel defeated in any way... I just meditate on the reasons why I am doing this and how it's really not about me anyway.
What does that mean Carmen, ( I'm glad you asked).
Why am I doing this? Yes, I grew up wanting to be a singer. Yes, I wanted to be rich and famous. As I have gotten older, my love for the music has outweighed any of the superficial desires. I have had times in my life where music has comforted me and made me feel better about myself, life in general. So the whole fame thing... while, sure it would be nice... the real goal is to share that feeling, that comfort, that joy music has given me with other people. I feel like I have some things that are worth sharing. In my heart, I feel like my voice doesn't belong to me. I read that from those to whom much is given, much is required. I have been given a voice that people like to hear and feel required to give them something of value from that voice. If anything I ever sing, helps anybody in any way... that is the WHY for me. Is it a sacrifice? yes. There have been no guarantees that it will even be heard. I have no surety that it will be well received. I do, however have a confident hope that because I am taking steps by faith, that God will honor His promise that "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose".
Which brings me to the point that it is not about me... never has been, never will be. I am not so great that I believe my voice is the end all/ be all. Sure, I can carry a tune, but so can millions upon millions of people. What this is about is, you. If you enjoy the music, and get the message, and it makes you feel something special.... That matters. If you have something you're going through and you turn on one of my songs and it makes your heart feel happy or makes you smile or cry or allows you to have a moment where you feel understood.... That matters. I love that.
There's a level of freedom in being able to make music for those reasons. I don't have to stick to a formula. I don't have to have a gimmick. I can just sing from the heart and hope it penetrates other hearts. I can pour my energy into creating for the sake of the creation and not to meet a deadline or check some boxes on the bottoml ine for the sake of a dollar. It's the freedom to build out this dream on my own terms and to be who God wills me to be. No apologies, no regrets. So while, it is a feeling of flying by the seat of my pants.... I know that by faith and with hard work and determination.... I'm gonna soar through the air with this.
I hope you want to fly with me!!! Be Free!!!!
Much Love,
Carmen
Special Shout Out to Michael Hayes at the Sojourner's Truth paper for this cool article, check it out.
http://www.thetruthtoledo.com/story/2012/091912/carmen.htm