One thing I have noticed lately, I have become more insular... I hope it's temporary, as we all need time for introspection and self-examination from time to time. By doing so, it has also allowed me to develop an ear to discern a little more clearly the people I will allow IN. When I encounter negativity, or gossip, or derisiveness, I'm much more likely to back up and deal with that person from a distance whereas I once would have given them a space in my life on the basis of wanting more friends. I am learning that being open, doesn't mean you have to accept everything. I can love someone for who they are without allowing their stuff (baggage, issues,hangups, problems, etc) to attach itself to me. By simply maintaining a friendly distance. It doesn't make me a "fake" friend... it makes me someone who knows well enough how to keep from hurting others, and to keep from being hurt. When you know better, you do better.

Aloneness in certain terms and at certain times does not equate to lonliness. While teambuilding and relationships are important and No man is an island and we are all in this together.... Each of us is only as good to others as we are to ourselves. Someone who does not know themself, cannot be genuine to other people. They merely mask emotions they see others display without truly and authenticly allowing themselves to FEEL.... that is Lonely. In order to get to know yourself and be able to embrace others in a real way, from time to time you need to get Alone. Pray, read, think, ponder, breathe, and love honestly....

Some stuff you just have to go through alone in order to gain the necessary perspective to grow. I've faced some incredibly lean times this Summer. I've faced a lot of frustration with the musical journey that has tested and increased my patience. Because it is planted so deep within me that THIS is it, that I've hit my stride in terms of sound, style, presentation, and principle I believe that all the things I have dreamed and prayed for all my life is waiting just around the corner when I make it through this rough patch. Though it has been a struggle for me, I am encouraged to see my friends prospering and things that they have worked so hard for coming to pass. It makes me hopeful because I have been through enough to understand that "this too shall pass".

I want to thank those who keep me encouraged. You just don't know how much a positive word impacts others. When you can post affirmations and testimonies and give the words that build (and not tear down) .... it matters. So many times we vent our frustrations without realizing the weight of words, the power they carry. When you speak life, that in itself is an excercise of faith.

If— BY RUDYARD KIPLING

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! 

 

Much Love, 

Carmen